Saturday, April 26, 2008

I Am Not One of Them

Them being Muslims. I am a Muslim but my religion is my own business and it is between me and God. I feel absolutely no connection nor any obligation to those people. At one point in my academic life I had wanted to do research on them. But then they hurt me. They hurt at a time when I was the most vulnerable I have ever been in my life. They tried to make me think God hated me. They tried to tell me that God would never forgive me. They tried to tell me that God was petty and cruel. And they almost made me believe all this. They made me think God had deceived me. Now I know who the real deceivers are. I know who the real liars are. It is them. God is perfect. Islam is perfect.

Now I will never help them. They can fend for themselves. I will not do research to better their lives. They don't need me and I don't need them.

It's unfortunate when I have to face Islamophobia but that does not make me feel any more affiliation with them. I will deal with that with the help of God. And so will they. I will not help them. I will not work for the betterment of their lives. If their lives are bettered due to my work it will be by coincidence.


I will however work to better the lives of my fellow South Asians. They have not hurt me. They have given me love and respect. They have not made me feel inferior. They have not tried to destroy my relationship with God. For all their faults, in my eyes, they are much better than Muslims.


I purposely dress so that I am not identified as one of them. Not because I don't want non-Muslims to not know that I am Muslim. I want them to know. I tell people proudly that I am a Muslim. I don't want Muslims to know that I am Muslim. I will tell them if they ask but I don't volunteer the information. I will not wear long, loose shirts that cover my figure. I have curves damn it and I don't care who knows. I will wear capris that show off my sexy ankles. I will wear short sleeves. Oh riske! And I sure as hell will not cover my hair.

I love Islam and I love God with all that is in me. I will never leave them and I pray they never leave me. I will be a Muslim and defend Islam until I die.

But I dislike Muslims. They are not my people.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

My Favourite Bollywood Songs - Part 2

I love this song. It's so romantic and so beautiful. I'd love Shah Rukh Khan to sing this to me.

Song: Suraj Hua Madham (The Sun Has Dimmed)
Film: Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum (2001)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

My Favourite Bollywood Songs - Part 1

This is the first instalment of my favourite songs.

This is one song I used to listen to as a child and I think that has a huge part to play in me loving this song. It reminds me of my childhood. Plus, it's super catchy.

Song: Mehbooba O Mehbooba (Beloved oh Beloved)
Film: Sholay (1975)

Monday, April 21, 2008

I'm Not Worthy

Have I said I hate men? Well, ok I don't hate men. Not all men. But some. Men have done such a good job of making me feel less worthy. I know I shouldn't base my own worth on other people but its hard not to when you find out your ex didn't want to tell his parents about you, yet his parents have already met his new girlfriend and love her. Ugh! I hate men. It's hard not to base your self worth on other people when another ex was in love with another girl the whole time he was with you. Ugh Ugh!! I still hate men. It's hard not to base your self worth on other people when yet another ex tells you you are not a good Muslim and need to change. Ugh Ugh Ugh!!!

And then not to mention the guys who expect a little something for "free" from you. Jerks!

Seriously, there are very few good men out there. My apologies to the good ones. I don't hate you. I don't know very many of you. Other than the men in my family I can only think of 3 guys who I would say are good guys. And all three are off limits for me.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

As I was Procrastinating I Found This...

This post is from HijabMan and can be found here.

Fear can stop your love, what about your God-consciousness?

One of the first steps one takes when Getting Things Done is the process of capturing/collecting the thoughts floating around in your head, everything that has your attention. After that harder-than-it-sounds task, you file it into your system (whether that consists of folders or electronic means). Now, If you are really good about keeping that system up-to-date and flowing well, a trust with that system naturally develops. Ideally, if you trust that system, you no longer need to actively think about everything you need to do or every thought in your head.*

I’m not even close to completely emptying my head of the multitude of crap that is plaguing my brain, but I’ve definitely gotten better. But the fact that I’ve even emptied my head of just a fraction of that crap has reduced my stress level dramatically.

While thinking (hah!) about this process, a thought occurred to me that connected this idea with spirituality. What about emptying ourselves of the various forms of fear that plague us? Wouldn’t that enable us as believers to be more God-conscious and free us? Imagine your life without insecurity, worry, and even procrastination. They can all be forms of fear.
Procrastination is fear? What?

In fact, it is the most consuming fear I have! Think about it. We tend to avoid those things that we are afraid of. As many personal-productivity gurus explain, one of the reasons (or is it the only reason?) we procrastinate, is because we are afraid of what comes “next.” The future. If we busy ourselves with not-so-productive tasks, we delay impending decisions and new projects.
My current slip-up (one of a few) has to do with delaying a simple phone call, a phone call that would lead to my decision to go back to school. I was afraid of something without a name. It was one of those down-deep fears. On the surface, it may have been fear of failure, debt, and well, just school in general. Am I disciplined enough for it? I delay these big decisions by putting off tasks like paying bills, cleaning, dishes. Do you see where I’m going now?

I let the gravel gather up, so that all that I’m concerned about is sweeping away that gravel. And because I am so consumed by sweeping those little rocks away I don’t have time to think about the big rocks** I have to move. And I’m so worried about the gravel and the big rocks combined that I don’t have any time to reflect and realize that the biggest rocks I need to move are these deep-down-I-don’t-even-know-what-they-are fears. And dealing with those means I have to ask some really hard questions of myself. Those questions I don’t want to ask, if you know what I mean. In my experience, the process of going to those “scary” places leads to one place: If I am aware that God is in control, and that I should just strive, the idea of fearing something so silly, you know, like future, would be laughable. Indeed, I often laugh at my irrational fears (after the fact, of course ;)

What do you think? Does this have merit? That one would be have a clearer path to God-consciousness by doing some kind of mental sweep of [all of the forms] of fear?

*I’m simplifying the GTD process, if you are interested, go buy the book.

**I got the concept of the Big Rocks/Gravel from ZenHabits’ Big Rocks First article.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Happy - Not So Happy


Yay! I'm done my paper. Happy!

But I lost sleep to do it and am quite sleepy now. Not so happy.

And it's hot outside. Happy!

But I don't have much in terms of summer clothes. Not so happy.

I need to go shopping which I enjoy. Happy!

But I don't have much money. Not so happy.



Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Men I Love

I've been tired lately and completely sick of school. I'm working on a paper for my qualitative psychology class due this Friday and it is so torturous. I have no interest in it at though I did when I first started it. I am analyzing Hindi film songs for constructions of heterosexual romantic relationships. I thought it would be fun but at this point it is just a chore.

So I can't write any intelligent post. Therefore, I'm posting pictures of beautiful men. Not objectification, but rather as a Cheerful Bird once told me, simply admiring God's creation.

I present - Men I think are beautiful:


This guy is over 40 and still hot! Love the beard on him.








































Oh so cute! Seriously, him and Kareena Kapoor make a stunning couple.








































Abhishek Bachchan

I think this guy is hot BUT he's married to Ashwariya Rai (sorry I mean Bachchan) who I really am not impressed with. Plus he's Amitabh Bachchan's son who I have heard is not too fond of Muslims. And the beard is the magic for me. Don't know what I think of him without that facial hair. What can I say? I'm a sucker for beards. Maybe the Muslim in me...




















And of course...



I don't need to say anything...