Friday, May 30, 2008

A Few Days Grey

My posts are getting more and more scarce. Oh well, it's like an online diary. I write when I want right? Anyhow, lately I haven't felt like writing much. This past week has not been good although I am much better now (except for these oh so annoying hiccups). Earlier this week I found out that another of the four other girls in my program and in my year has gotten engaged. So that's one married, three engaged, and one single...and that single one is me. And it hit me HARD. I fell into a depression for two days just realizing how alone I am, crying my eyes out the whole time. Sure there are people around me but that's not the same. I am lonely. And to be honest it's very difficult to see any hope sometimes. Now, I know that God tells us never to feel hopeless. We should always have faith in God and not fear. Those who fear are weak in faith. But this is hard to do. I've been trying to have faith. And it is getting better. I've been trying to get into Sufi philosophy more and I've started reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth - supposedly the greatest thing since sliced bread. And so far so good. I'm enjoying it. And it is helping. As well, Broken Mystic has been teaching me a lot about Sufism, the philosophy of which has helped. Thanks dude.

Additionally, I'm actively trying to fix the situation. I'm back online searching - a venue I hate to be honest. But I feel like I am at least making an attempt. I'm also trying to relocate for the next year. I'm convinced that the city I live in is a huge hindrance to my love life. They do say that God helps those who help themselves. Let's hope this is true Insha'Allah.


broken mystic said...

I know it's hard being alone :( The depression takes away a lot of our motivation to do things such as writing blog entries. I try to keep writing and expressing myself so that I can get my mind off things that I don't want to think about or feel.

It is ok to feel hopeless and depressed, but these feelings shouldn't dominate our being. We shouldn't let the negative things in life prevent us from positive things. We should never let ourselves submit to a "self-fulfilling prophecy," otherwise there really won't be any hope. It's good that you are finding positive things in Sufi philosophy and new books :)

I truly believe positive attitudes and outlooks magnet positive things to you. You have a lot going for you, and insha'Allah, these moments of sorrow are only temporary. There is a bright future ahead.

"There is enough Light for one who wants to see." -- Imam 'Ali, alayhi salaam.

Anonymous said...

Dear sister of mine,

If all the people who were lonely got together, would nobody be alone?

I love you and I send you a big, long hug. It's less lonely being lonely together.

Anonymous said...

And at least you'll get a laugh from the online personals. Those brothers kill me!

Farheen said...

Thank you for the kind and supportive words BM and chirpychickadee. I truly appreciate it. And thanks for the hug chirpychickadee. Although virtual it helped knowing you wanted to give me a hug. :)

broken mystic said...

ahem... party?

Anonymous said...

I am so greatful to Eckhart Tolle and Oprah for turning me onto Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor and her beautiful book ""My Stroke of Insight"". Her story is amazing and her gift to all of us is a book purchase away I'm happy to say.

Dr Taylor was a Harvard brain scientist when she had a stroke at age 37. What was amazing was that her left brain was shut down by the stroke - where language and thinking occur - but her right brain was fully functioning. She experienced bliss and nirvana and the way she writes about it (or talks about it in her now famous TED talk) is incredible.

What I took away from Dr. Taylor's book above all, and why I recommend it so highly, is that you don't have to have a stroke or take drugs to find the deep inner peace that she talks about. Her book explains how. ""I want what she's having"", and thanks to this wonderful book, I can! Thank you Dr. Taylor, and thank you Eckhart and Oprah.