A Few Days Grey

My posts are getting more and more scarce. Oh well, it's like an online diary. I write when I want right? Anyhow, lately I haven't felt like writing much. This past week has not been good although I am much better now (except for these oh so annoying hiccups). Earlier this week I found out that another of the four other girls in my program and in my year has gotten engaged. So that's one married, three engaged, and one single...and that single one is me. And it hit me HARD. I fell into a depression for two days just realizing how alone I am, crying my eyes out the whole time. Sure there are people around me but that's not the same. I am lonely. And to be honest it's very difficult to see any hope sometimes. Now, I know that God tells us never to feel hopeless. We should always have faith in God and not fear. Those who fear are weak in faith. But this is hard to do. I've been trying to have faith. And it is getting better. I've been trying to get into Sufi philosophy more and I've started reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth - supposedly the greatest thing since sliced bread. And so far so good. I'm enjoying it. And it is helping. As well, Broken Mystic has been teaching me a lot about Sufism, the philosophy of which has helped. Thanks dude.

Additionally, I'm actively trying to fix the situation. I'm back online searching - a venue I hate to be honest. But I feel like I am at least making an attempt. I'm also trying to relocate for the next year. I'm convinced that the city I live in is a huge hindrance to my love life. They do say that God helps those who help themselves. Let's hope this is true Insha'Allah.

My Favourite Bollywood Songs - Part 5

I promise that soon enough I will get back to real posts. I have so much to say but sooooo little time. May is super crazy month for me. SUPER CRAZY BUSY. So until then, to appease myself and to ease my own guilt every time I see that same "May 12th, 2008" on my latest post, I will post another of my favourite Bollywood songs.

I find this song so haunting and beautiful. This one is from a movie which was a the first of its kind depicting a cross border love story between a Pakistani woman and Indian man. The movie was enjoyable. However, I hated the way they showed Pakistanis. It wasn't anything negative, just inaccurate. What Punjabi Pakistani does the whole adab thing? NONE!! What Pakistani Punjabi man wears pajama-kurta? NONE!! What Pakistani Punjabi woman wears the gharara? NONE!! Not in everyday life at least. Seriously! They depicted us Punjabi Pakistani Muslims like their own Muslims from, like, Lucknow or something. Ugh! Not that there is anything wrong with their culture, but our culture is different. Just because we are desi Muslims does not mean we are all the same. Ohhh...I should do a critical analysis of Muslims in Veer-Zaara. Add to my long list of critiques. Anyhow, at least we weren't portrayed as pure evil like in some other Bollywood films. This film came out when India and Pakistan were just starting to this latest bout of good relations. Personally I think the fact that this film was a hit means that the people of the sub-continent perhaps are not so hostile to each other.

Song: Tere Liye
Film: Veer-Zaara (2004) (If you have not seen this film and plan to see it, do not click on the link. Desi people cannot keep a secret.)

On the Pitfalls of Being a Perfectionist

It, I'm sure, will come as no surprise to those who know me when I say that I am a perfectionist. I think to get into graduate school one has to be. But being a perfectionist has it's disadvantages and the most disruptive of which, for me, is procrastination.

I've spent the last two days avoiding writing a paper on issues to consider when conducting violence against women research in minority populations. Why? Because this is not my area of expertise. I am new to this. So I'm scared to write it. In two days I have written one page. Eeek. And I'm presenting this in 4 and a half weeks at a conference.

For the past two days I've had Word open. I would approach the paper. Write a little. Then decide I was hungry and get something to eat. I would come back to the paper, think about what to write, re-think about what to write, then get annoyed and go get something else to eat. Then I would decide "maybe I need to read more." So I would pull out the many papers I've found on the topic of violence against women, and read a little only to realize that it wasn't helping and that I may be wasting time reading. So I would then go back to the paper, write a little more with nay a care about well formed sentences, get stuck, and take another break. I would look at my many written notes and not know how to organize them, get annoyed and take another break. This has continued for the past two days. Yesterday I promised today would not be like this, and today I make the same promise about tomorrow. I just hope I can keep it. And now I have another paper to work which does not scare me as much, but on which I have procrastinated all semester.

Procrastination is my life.

My Favourite Bollywood Songs - Part 4

This song came out when I was about 13 or 14 and I remember hearing the previews for it and LOVING it. I was so looking foward to hearing the whole song. But I also remember that this song created a lot of controversy because of its double meanings - Choli Ke Peeche, or Behind the blouse. However, me and my family too, loved the song. We found it so catchy. And it seems so did most people because if memory serves me correctly this song was super popular. I've always loved Madhuri Dixit and Sanjay Dutt too.

Song: Choli Ke Peeche
Film: Khal Nayak (1993)

My Favourite Bollywood Songs - Part 3

I love this song. Kajol is one of my favourite actresses and Aamir Khan is amazing always.

And, the lyrics of this song are so beautiful.

Song: Mere Haath Mein (In My Hands)
Film: Fanaa (2006)

My Pledge for May

My pledge for the month of May is that I will give up sugar and fried food, and exercise more to see if I can lose the little pudge I have in my midsection. This part of my body is the one I've been struggling with forever it seems. I've spent many, many, many hours at the gym trying to reduce this section only to lose weight everywhere I didn't need to. But my midsection kept it's little pudge. No doubt the pudge is small but it's there. And the one part of my body I would love to have toned is my midsection. I just love the look of a toned midsection.

Giving up the fried food should be easy but sugar will be a struggle. Especially once that time of month roles around.

May 1st:

I did have sugar. I had remnants of a chocolate which I had to finish so I had one piece of it, sharing the rest with my roommate and friend.

May 2nd

Today I've been good. I had a sugar free pastry today and some vanilla oat cereal which has sugar in it. Other than that no sugar. But no exercise either.

Let's see how long I can keep this up.