Saturday, April 26, 2008

I Am Not One of Them

Them being Muslims. I am a Muslim but my religion is my own business and it is between me and God. I feel absolutely no connection nor any obligation to those people. At one point in my academic life I had wanted to do research on them. But then they hurt me. They hurt at a time when I was the most vulnerable I have ever been in my life. They tried to make me think God hated me. They tried to tell me that God would never forgive me. They tried to tell me that God was petty and cruel. And they almost made me believe all this. They made me think God had deceived me. Now I know who the real deceivers are. I know who the real liars are. It is them. God is perfect. Islam is perfect.

Now I will never help them. They can fend for themselves. I will not do research to better their lives. They don't need me and I don't need them.

It's unfortunate when I have to face Islamophobia but that does not make me feel any more affiliation with them. I will deal with that with the help of God. And so will they. I will not help them. I will not work for the betterment of their lives. If their lives are bettered due to my work it will be by coincidence.

I will however work to better the lives of my fellow South Asians. They have not hurt me. They have given me love and respect. They have not made me feel inferior. They have not tried to destroy my relationship with God. For all their faults, in my eyes, they are much better than Muslims.

I purposely dress so that I am not identified as one of them. Not because I don't want non-Muslims to not know that I am Muslim. I want them to know. I tell people proudly that I am a Muslim. I don't want Muslims to know that I am Muslim. I will tell them if they ask but I don't volunteer the information. I will not wear long, loose shirts that cover my figure. I have curves damn it and I don't care who knows. I will wear capris that show off my sexy ankles. I will wear short sleeves. Oh riske! And I sure as hell will not cover my hair.

I love Islam and I love God with all that is in me. I will never leave them and I pray they never leave me. I will be a Muslim and defend Islam until I die.

But I dislike Muslims. They are not my people.


Anonymous said...

There are two camps: unfriendly Muslims and friendly Muslims. There are those of us who don't believe that shame is an Islamic tenet; we need to stick together. The more there are of us, the louder our voice can be.

Farheen said...

Very true. We do need to stick together. We also need to find more of us. I am too scared to go looking in case I run into one of the other kind. But it does help to know that there are Muslims out there who are like me. :)

Melinda said...

I agree with Chickadee... Muslims do come in the wonderful, open-minded kind too.

Autumn said...

Not that I am Muslim, but I think that people telling you that God hates you has more to do with their own misery than their religion.

Which I suppose is your point, in that it's not the religion at fault but the people, who have a knack for being hypocritical, and in this case, blasphemous for evoking God's damnation on another human being. I think that's kind of trans-religious to make other people feel bad so that one can ignore their own faults.

I have the sense that Muslims are struggling with their identities, especially younger ones, and many of them in your same position, trying to, being forced to, assert themselves among all the outlandish things that they hear from all sides on what they should believe, look like, act like, etc. It is here I think there is more room to meet, learn, and teach.

Farheen said...


Yes..I know. They are hard to find but I have found some :)
And I'm truly grateful I've found ones like yourself, chirpychickadee and broken mystic :)


Thanks for your comment. I'm trying to convince myself that this hate in so many Muslims is about them and not about Muslims in general. Their hate reflects their own insecurities and is not my problem.

It always feel great to meet like-minded people who I can learn from.

Broken Mystic said...

Don't give up on all of us just yet :(

There are great people out there (Muslims included). These personality traits that you describe can be found in every religious or ethnic group, and its understandable that negative experiences create negative associations.

I agree with ChirpyChickadee, Melinda, and Autumn. I believe Muslims should stand united although they are very disconnected from each other on so many levels. We must work towards improvement. There are so many big steps that we can all take to change things, and when you surround yourself with the right people, you will have so much more support than you expected.

I know that I have met some really great people too recently ;) You will find more Muslims like yourself. You've already found a few now, no?

Khuda hafez

Farheen said...

Thanks Broken Mystic.

I agree. We do need to be united but this will take a long time.

Thanks so much for your support. I truly appreciate it and am truly grateful :D